This is simply the most wonderful piece of kit,
And I deplore the fact that it,
Worldwide is given such a terrible name,
A word that’s ugly, a word that’s lame.
This miraculously useful kitchen aide,
Is known everywhere as a “Sheila Maid”,
Except, that is, in our flat,
‘Cause we consider it an aristocrat,
And won’t use an expression that is frankly tat,
So instead we employ a marvellous moniker that,
Gives this item a competitive edge,
We call this ‘helper’ our winter hedge.