Tmesis – a word very strange,
To describe a considered change,
– The insertion of a word in a compound phrase,
To make you reconsider and reappraise,
An example of the English desire to rearrange!*

* an example would be whatever altered to whatsoever…

Dreamt is the past tense of dream,
So why isn’t gleamt the past tense of gleam?
The English tongue’s so confusing,
Bewitching, bemusing,
But *screamed is the past tense of scream!

* glad to say it!

I’m becoming a Crystal Palacian,
It’s a park and a place and a station,
We have all the essentials,
And bang on credentials,
It’s the most desirable spot in the nation!

Syzygy is a difficult word,
To say, to look at, quite absurd,
It means. 3 celestial bodies in a line,
Sun, moon and earth, they all align,
But don’t try to say it if your speech is slurred!

There once was a girl from St.Ives,
Who mastered a number of dives,
But the 10 metre board,
Left her feeling quite floored,
And gave her a case of the hives! *

* a nasty skin rash

The fair has just rolled into town,
And I am on the final countdown,
To ride the carousel,
That I love so well,
Otherwise known as a merry-go-round!

Macgregor was really a fabulous hound,
A treasure, a pleasure to have around,
He was hairy and loyal and his ego was big,
But he was simply the cutest thingamajig!

Near our home there used to be a camel trek,
They used to exercise them on the beach on spec,
And one day we took MacGregor down to the sea,
Because it was simply his best place to be.

He considered this stretch to be his ‘turf’,
He swam in the shallows, he jumped through the surf,
But this day he came upon something unplanned,
A camel asleep with its chin on the sand.

He just took one look and raced round the back,
And attempted to mount her, a covert attack.
It was impossible, she was too tall,
And don’t tell Macgregor but he is, well, small.

So he assessed a nostril, which was just at his height,
And started a-pumping with all of his might.
The camel woke up in astonished surprise,
At the sight of the terrier humping in front of her eyes.

She lifted her head, dignity personified,
And Macgregor kept going , he was into his stride.
Her head reached a height of about three and a half feet,
And he was still going, with dangling feet.

She looked down her nose at this persistent pest,
And decided a sneeze would probably be best,
So she sneezed very loudly, this was not up her street,
And Macgregor shot backwards, landing neatly, on all four feet.

He assessed her minutely, considering if he might try again,
And quickly decided his advances would all be in vain,
He decided the nostril was now out of reach,
So nonchalantly trotted back up the beach.

Today we traipsed down to the zoo,
And formed an orderly queue,
To see the new birth,
Of something of worth,
It’s the delicious, divine caribou!

i once had a very fine cat,

Who was what you’d call an autocrat,

He’d sit at the window,

Like a generalissimo,

Plotting some hand to claw combat…

My dog, Macgregor, was approaching ten,
And a cat-loathing terrier, who chased them when
My ex-husband came back from visiting a client,
Somewhat sheepish but simultaneously defiant…

It seemed that her cat, before they could neuter,
Had gone out a-courting and found her a suitor!
She was now making nests and preparing for birth,
And had gone from a tadpole to a cat of some girth!

Her kittens, so far, were all black and white,
So Malcolm figured it’d be absolutely alright,
To say that he’d have one only if it was all black,
And the moment he said so, he tried to take the words back…

She had produced one that was blacker than jet,
Not ginger, not tabby, not white or brunette,
So Malcolm came home and announced what he’d done,
And I said we’d have two, it was safer than one!

So several weeks later the kittens arrived,
And my feelings of equanimity simply nose-dived!
But there was no need to fret, worry or to agonise,
Macgregor just loved them, much to my surprise.

And the kittens discovered that they had both a mum and a dad,
Macgregor just adored them, when they were good or truly bad!
He loved them to pieces, that sweet dog of mine,
And they loved him back, even though he was canine!