I have a small confession,
I love a colloquial expression,
They sum up exactly what you want to say,
A kind of shorthand communique,
Collecting them’s an obsession!

* .. our friend, Cory Cook, an American, taught us this expression. It is Shorthand for “Happy as a clam at high tide!” Meaning to be as happy as it’s possible to be because a clam at high tide can escape from predators more easily!

This is my idea of a cool caravan,
It’s big enough for all my extended clan,
I’m learning to drive, so we can set out in style,
With a Percheron pulling us mile after mile,
This is part of my ten year plan!

Bed 24 on Oliver Ward,
Life in hospital’s no reward!
Without some credit or a dime,
There’s no way to pass the time!
I cannot text, I cannot ring,
I cannot do a ruddy thing,
So if I want to call my wife, let’s sayI can’t do so, there’s no way!
I’ve asked the nurse to, if she ‘s time,
But that’s a foolish paradigm.
I cannot even watch TV,
Because you need a darned CC*!
Or you go and buy a special card,
But when immobile, that’s quite hard!I own an Apple phone 5s,
And all I have to do is press,
My thumb firmly but quite gently down,
And the print’s accepted, with ne’er a frown.
So I tell you that it’s very tough,
When all your high tech Apple stuff,
Is thwarted by one Vodafone,
Because, in here, there is no tone,
It’s like strolling through the great unknown,
You feel so helpless and alone!
Today I can only hear Jeremy Vine,
In all other circs, I’d politely decline!
It’s free to get BBC Radio 2 or 4,
But you have to pay if you want more!So despite the risk of loss or theft,
Keep cash or credit, or you feel bereft!Don’t mean to lecture or to preach,
But your loved ones are out of reach…
So take some cash or take a card,
Or ward life will be somewhat hard!

*CC = credit card

I do love this fruit, it is lush and it’s RED,
And it makes a good jam on a nice hunk of bread,
This year we’re uprooting a very old cane,
So we can plant new ones over and over again,
And look forward to homegrown raspberries in the year ahead.

I had a splendiferous cat,
Who liked to lie flat on his back,
He commandeered the duvet,
Could I get in, no way,
But then I’m not the aristocrat!

Why not let’s form an orderly queue,
To just give us all something to do?!
All those at the back,
Will have to guess what knick-knack
They are buying – bread or tiramisu!

* I have always loved this rather elegant but impossibly-spelled word!

Evans F. Carlson, in 1942,
Introduced this word to English with great derring-do!
It means ‘work together’,
In fair or foul weather,
And boy does it boost morale too!

Melissa, a Greek Cypriot,
Bought herself a luscious kumquat,
It was juicy and bitter,
A tart little critter,
But boy did that fruit hit the spot!

Consider the word “Hydroxyzine”,
D’you think you’d find it in a magazine?
It’s a drug given when you’re on total meltdown,
To calm your nerves, to smooth that frown,
The only word where the letters xyz are consecutively seen!!

There was a young girl called Heather from Crewe,
Who entered Birdman for something to do,
But unfortunately Heather
Was as light as a feather,
And soon disappeared out of view!