Bed 24 on Oliver Ward,
Life in hospital’s no reward!
Without some credit or a dime,
There’s no way to pass the time!
I cannot text, I cannot ring,
I cannot do a ruddy thing,
So if I want to call my wife, let’s sayI can’t do so, there’s no way!
I’ve asked the nurse to, if she ‘s time,
But that’s a foolish paradigm.
I cannot even watch TV,
Because you need a darned CC*!
Or you go and buy a special card,
But when immobile, that’s quite hard!I own an Apple phone 5s,
And all I have to do is press,
My thumb firmly but quite gently down,
And the print’s accepted, with ne’er a frown.
So I tell you that it’s very tough,
When all your high tech Apple stuff,
Is thwarted by one Vodafone,
Because, in here, there is no tone,
It’s like strolling through the great unknown,
You feel so helpless and alone!
Today I can only hear Jeremy Vine,
In all other circs, I’d politely decline!
It’s free to get BBC Radio 2 or 4,
But you have to pay if you want more!So despite the risk of loss or theft,
Keep cash or credit, or you feel bereft!Don’t mean to lecture or to preach,
But your loved ones are out of reach…
So take some cash or take a card,
Or ward life will be somewhat hard!

*CC = credit card