“Lace your boots tightly to give you support,
Your ankles will buckle if not tightly caught!
Now relax as you move and try not to feel fraught!”

So said my mother, as I attempted the ice,
It was sensible, practical, mindful advice,
But it didn’t stop me being on my back in a trice!

I’d simply no rhythm when learning to skate,
My technique was quite open to reproof and debate,
I couldn’t do circles, I couldn’t go straight!

My coordination, or lack of, was quite unforeseen,
My attempts at a ‘glide’ were frankly obscene,
And no, I would never be a Torvill or Dean!