Today, hospital transport took me to the QE*,
To get a date for my surgery.
They quaintly call it the “pre-op”,
Then give you a date to give you the chop.
They test your urine, take your bloods,
Give you an ECG, to ensure your heart scuds.
Then they announce they’ve got a date in June,
Despite the odds, they’re operating soon.
You’ve got to be there by quarter to eight,**
You’re the first to be seen, you might go home that day.
So we are now praying the week after next,
On the 11th, that the surgeon dissects,
Lasers my stone into numerous pieces,
And then I’ll be signed up for the day releases.
So gentle reader, cross your fingers and toes,
That they don’t need to use warheads or worse, torpedoes!

*Queen Elizabeth Hospital
*Heaven help us! Out of the building by 5 in the morning!