With apologies to the wonderful Matt Sharp, our builder, who is one  in a million and who does all these things, and his equally fabulous friends, Gerry and James.

38534104Do you, like me, hate waiting,

For a tradesman that doesn’t arrive?

Do you catch yourself debating,

How his cash flow continues to thrive?

Why can’t he pick up his mobile phone,

To tell you his work’s gone the shape of a pear?

That you no longer need to be ‘home alone’,

‘Cause he simply won’t be there!

Don’t mind if he has to delay my job,

As long as he makes it clear,

All it’ll cost him is just a few bob,

To tell me he won’t appear…

Does he ever? Does he heck!

Doesn’t cross his mind I’m waiting.

The idea I’m a nervous wreck,

Doesn’t dent his armour plating.

Huzzah for a tradesman that keeps his word,

And arrives at the given time

Or tells you your appointment’s been deferred,

– Is that too hard a road to climb?

I’ve found in the UK 29%,

Want women to do their build.

They keep you informed of every event,

And tend to be very skilled.

They’ll plumb your loo, or plaster your wall,

Reveal that lovely Victorian rafter.

Sort you out with no trouble at all,

And then get out the hoover after.