Written in the early hours of this morning for my darling heart who was let down by ‘A Man With A Van” yesterday, having mapped out every minute of her day by a twonk called Simon   who compounded his sins by lying to her throughout the day.

What is it with the white van man?

Why is he such a twonk?

He says he is a man who can,

And then he does a bunk.

He agrees that he’ll be with you,

At a certain time,

So you wait the whole day through,

Then he compounds his crime,

By telling you he can’t be arsed,

To turn up at your door,

And you are left upset, aghast,

Keen to even up the score.

You’d planned your time from morn to night,

With military precision,

You feel this monstrous human blight,

Needs PUBLIC circumcision.

You’ll out him on your Facebook page,

And rubbish him on Twitter,

He’ll find that London’s not his stage,

You’ll crucify this critter.

He needs to know that you don’t mess,

In your own backyard,

Don’t cause others untold stress,

Or leave them battle-scarred,

So man with van, we’ve had enough,

Here’s what we intend to do,

Play by the rules, but play quite rough,

And stick two fingers up at you!

You don’t treat people with disdain,

You treat them with respect,

Bad rep is all that you will gain,

For all the lives you’ve wrecked.