This is a short extract. slightly rewritten, from a forthcoming novel….I hope you enjoy it…
I was in the taxi, attempting to appear calm and failing. You have just walked into my life unexpectedly. From nowhere. A mercurial woman. A clever woman. A woman who loves to look after her loved ones. Cook for them, cajole them, care for them. So why do I feel that tell-tale slide in my chest every time I think of you? Why does the mere mention of your name make me smile from ear to ear? Why do I long for just a glimpse of you?
The station approaches. We have agreed to meet here and find somewhere to eat. My legs feel leaden. Can I drag myself free of my seat and out of the taxi? Dare I? You said you would meet me here…that we would find a restaurant… But do you feel the same? Do you want to drink me in, like I do you?
The taxi comes to a standstill. So does my heart. I look out the window. And there you are. There at the entrance to the station. Oh God! The moment of truth! I can see that you are anxiously scanning every car. Then I realise…you are searching for me! Trying to find me! So that means…..OHHHHHHHH! Bliss! You feel the same!
I leap out, give you a quick hug and say, ‘Come on, let’s go!” We do. We go to the restaurant. We give the food our full attention. Seemingly any way.That is what anyone looking on might think. Yet underneath… Underneath my calm exterior….
Standing close to you and my legs can barely support me. Sitting near you and I long to wind my leg around yours. If you push past me I feel a heat in my groin and a brush fire of desire…When you throw back your head and laugh, I want to bottle it. The way that it infuses your cheekbones. The way it brushes your pupils with diamonds of light. The way it whispers along the curves of your mouth. The way it sometimes pours like musical lava deep from your throat, infecting all who hear it with joy. Just the scent of you makes me weak, intoxicated.
I marvel at the mobility of your face. How its symmetry shifts with each changing mood. I enjoy watching how other people respond to you, with genuine warmth, with real affection. How your mere presence infects them with life. Animates them. Yet every second I want to share you with others, I want to keep you near me, keep you close. We stay an hour, it seems like a year. As we leave the building, my hand brushes yours and we both start with the electricity of it…
We get in your car, and I say, breathlessly, ‘Just drive. Anywhere, but make it private.” You drive. I just sit and watch you. Watch the way your hands effortlessly turn the wheel. How your nose crinkles when you concentrate. How when you overtake, your tongue pokes out over your bottom lip… and all I can think of is kissing you.
A quiet lane.. we pull in to the entrance to a wood. You turn to me and say, ‘Is this sensible? It doesn’t feel like it! It feels like madness!” And I just take your face between my hands. I push the lock of hair that has dropped on to your forehead back away from your face with my thumb. I look into your eyes and say, “No, it isn’t sensible! Yes it is mad, but I really need to kiss you.” And bending my face to yours, I do.
The touch of my lips on yours sets up a slow burn…a tumbling sensation, a breathlessness. I can feel, no hear, the percussion of my heartbeat as my tongue explores yours, dances with yours…I want to eat you, devour you, but slow, slow. I want to savour every morsel, every nuance of you. Drink you up, hold you close. I want to feel that shiver of recognition as skin meets skin. I trail my tongue under your chin, down the back of your neck. I nibble your ear, caress its inner edge with the tip of my tongue. I bury my head in your hair, breathing in the scent of you. You become my inspiration. You are my breath. As I kiss you, I feel that long, slow, free-fall that takes me to the edge. I pull away and look at you. You are beautiful! Did you know that? I make you a promise. Not a day will go by from this moment on, when you are not kissed. Kissing you is what I want to do for the rest of my life on this earth.