Spices were really highly prized,
They commanded quite a trade,
Cardamom, ginger, turmeric,
All of them made the grade.
All these spices found their way,
To Europe prior to the CE,
The Ethiopians were the best merchants,
Around the shores of the Red Sea.
Arab traders then took over,
Aiming to supplant,
Shipping spices into Venice,
Via the Levant.
Black pepper then took over,
As the spice of choice,
Vasco de Gama shipped it in,
And Europe all rejoiced.
Later on the trade was led,
By the Portugese,
And Spain wanting to try to get their cut,
Went west to reach the East Indies.

Let me ask a rather leading question of you,
Do you have a bidet in your bathroom or loo?
Did some plumber from the distant past,
Plumb one in so it would taunt you …and dammit, LAST?!
A bidet is somehow a strange invention,
Is it designed to fill some kind of weird convention?
It’s apparently French for a miniscule pony,
But that seems to me to be a load of baloney,
Why go equine to prevent a certain ‘hum’,
To flush your pudenda, brush up your bum?!
To douse your ‘bits’ and souse your flesh,
To try to make you feel all clean and fresh!
And now the ‘Bio-Bidet’ from Korea, Japan,
With spray-hose attachments – no flash in the ‘pan’!
Apparently they make your bathroom complete,
But I’d rather use one to wash my feet…!

Such a great concept – DAB,
– The Norwegians made the history,
Back on 01/06/95 as I remember,
Then the BBC & SR followed in September,
Under development since 1981,
The aim to make radio far more fun,
But the Brits were determined not to be out-done,
So they had 50 odd stations on air by 2001.
To give Digital Audio Broadcast Radio,
For which you need a receiver or some such gizmo,
The choice is eclectic, the music’s good,
The best darned ‘sound’ in the neighbourhood!
So if you want to sample high fidelity,
Switch to DAB, it should be your cup of tea!

Chimes on four different singing bowls,

Glass, brass, large, small.

Clear as a bell each one chimes, intones,

Ringing out with a purity of purpose….

Then the stick around each bowl,

Smoothly lipping each rim,

So each one hums to a different tune,

Potent, peaceful, tranquility….

A rainstick that brings the sensation

Of each raindrop down your spine,

Delicious, energising, beautiful,

As if the weather invaded your being.

Then the piano, skipping, leaping high,

The notes skating off the keyboard,

Small arpeggios of sound,

That hang in the air like icicles.

The gong…the gong…stentorian,

Ringing the changes through my veins,

Each blow like a chime from a grandfather clock,

Pendulum swinging to the rhythm of my heartbeat.

This is when I feel myself expand

To fill the spaces between my breaths,

There is nothing but the feeling

Of the blood in my veins, scintillating, wonderful.

Then the squeezebox, and the voice,

Chating to the pulse of ancestry,

Singing the songs of our forefathers,

To make us feel mellow, still.

This is joy, this is exquisite,

This is the pulse of the century,

Thudding to the rhythm of the universe,

Making me feel whole, complete.

Major General James Brudenell,
Was the Earl of Cardigan, I’ve heard tell,
That led the Charge of The Light Brigade,
Valiant soldiers that got no aid
From Lucan, Cardigans brother-in-law,
Who’d hated him from 30 odd years before.
So the major-general charged in and he didn’t look back,
To see how many men fell at the Russian attack,
The Hussars, the Lancers and Light Dragoons,
Many fell in that charge, so inopportune.
Killed or missing, 156,
Because of the actions of lunatics…

Following is the bugle call sounded on that fateful day by Trumpeter Landfrey, one of the buglers at the charge of the Light Brigade, sounded on a bugle used for that charge.

Napoleon returned to power in 1815,

And hoped to slip into Belgium sight unseen,

But he didn’t reckon on the 7th coalition,

Which set about his swift demolition.

Bonaparte wanted to prove his derring-do,

But he got outwitted,  defeated at Waterloo,

By an army under Wellington’s command,

With Gebhard von Blücher at his right hand.

Napoleon delayed giving battle till just before noon,

And that was on the 18th of June,

A three-day campaign balanced on the edge of a knife,

“The nearest run thing you ever saw in your life.”*

28,000 men were wounded or died,

Before Napoleon saw his advantages slide.

Wellington drove him in disarray from the field,

And Bonaparte had no other choice but to yield.

Napoleon soon found himself routed, alone,

And Louis XVIII restored to the throne.

Despite all the odds, the Allies had won,

Boney was exiled and died, 1821.

*So said Wellington about the battle.

The world today is full of fog,

Not digital, but analogue.

The world is spectral – each item a ghost,

The air is chilled – I like that bit the most,

It’s as if the world is at one remove,

And the sun really has got something to prove…

Tunworth is akin to a Camembert,
It is a joy to eat, it is fabulous fare,
So says Raymond Blanc.

He says it’s far better than the French cheese,
It’s oozy, it’s unctuous, it’s sure to please,
That’s why it’s used in the Quatres Saisons.

Made by Stacey Hedges and Charlotte Spruce,
Many other cheesemakers should call a truce,
‘Cause this knocks most of them out of the park.

It’s rich and it’s nutty, made with Holstein milk,
The flavour is splendid, the texture like silk,
It should have its own special cheese marque.

In the early days they made just a bit of this cheese,
But Neal’s Yard Dairy soon became devotees,
And featured it on their cheeseboard.

They keep on trying to improve this cheese,
Even though it is just the bee’s knees,
And has won every great cheese award.

Anita recently baked one with garlic, sage and wine,
And it was a revelation, a “fondue” divine,
Into which to dunk your bread.

The other was baked with honey and thyme,
For a taste sensation that was truly sublime,
It’s a champion cheese, enough said!

In 1953, James Watson and Francis Crick,

Came up with an image truly slick,

To represent a model of DNA,

That would truly blow the world away.

This was a beautiful double helix,

With small rungs that bound the two ribbons or ‘sticks’.

These rungs were the bases of a neucleotide,

But to pair these bases up seemed to be cockeyed,

Till they found that Thymine paired with Adonine,

Just as Guanine paired with Cytosine.

And if you set T opposite A, and G opposite C,

Each side was in exact complimentary symmetry.

Take a look, and judge these strands

This is the blueprint for your heart, your eyes, your hands.

There are 300 different flavours in a coffee bean,

And 400 individual aromas,

Dracula’s the most famous on the vampire scene,

If you knew he quoted the Bible you can have a diploma!

The Western hero portrayed most often is Buffalo Bill,

Followed closely by Billy the Kid,

The Twilight saga’s opening weekend took $69.6 mill,

Anthony Quinn won an Oscar for an 8 minute act, yes, that’s what he did.

There are six million steps of DNA in a single cell,

Yet it measures just 1/2500th of an inch,

Before the American Civil War, I’ve heard tell,

If you didn’t believe the Bible, you’d get the linch!