I have been reflecting over what a true friend means to me… 

Friendship is defined as a state of mutual trust and support between two people. Indeed, friendship cannot exist without that trust…so when it goes from a relationship, the friendship falters and may die altogether. It is not that friendship is fragile, simply that trust is hard to earn and quick to lose and forms the foundation of any truly meaningful relationship. 

 

The Japanese use the term kenzoku, literally translated as family, to define a bond between two people which surpasses the commonplace, it is a bond that implies a really deep connection. So why do you have kenzoku with some of your friends and not with others?

 

Interests in common are vital to a good friendship because without them you will have little to interact over and even less to talk about. That does not mean to say you cannot be friends with someone who does not like what you do, just that it is improbable that you will have that deep connection. It is also a given that you would never ask a true friend to compromise their principles for you. You are there to help foster their highest aspirations, not feed their baser instincts and the trust between you is unquestioned. So what is it that draws such people to you, and with whom you feel that you are ‘home’? 

 

On paper this is simple.  You do not need to be what you think others expect of you (that is more likely to drive people away because you are not being true to yourself). You just need to be your own best friend. If you do this, you are likely to attract to you like minded people, who share your interests, approve your goals. Gandhi once said, ‘Be the change you want to see in the world,’. A kenzoku friend will love you for who you are and not for what you do. 

 

A real friend may not agree with you and will certainly challenge you, but will hold your hand if you need it and be the only one still there to help when others have long gone.  A kenzoku friend not only listens, but also hears us. Hears both what we do and do not say and acts accordingly. 

 

But above all, a great friend should make you feel good, and you should do the same for them. Yes, your heart may ache for them, if they are facing hardship, but mostly they should make you feel energetic, vital, accepted, loved. A kenzoku friend wants to see you thrive and prosper, is supportive, nurturing, and non-judgmental.They will be honest, not sugar coating their disapproval when you are found wanting, but they are patient with you if you seek to put things right.

 

Such a friendship is an intimate relationship. It may take some time to cultivate but it is priceless. Nurturing it is hard but oh, so essential. It requires commitment, truth, trust and respect. With all these qualities in place, a great friendship should last for years, lifetimes possibly, and through life-changing experiences for both of you. You may only come across a friendship such as this once or twice in a lifetime. It is a rare thing, a precious thing, a blessing, a grace. It is a relationship to cherish, to treasure!