Why is it that death so defeats us? Sometimes it comes with foreknowledge, sometimes like a thief in the night. It is always unwelcome. Yet it comes to every one of us. We know it is there, lurking, waiting, but are always unprepared for it.

Grief is a strange bedfellow. It takes us all in different ways. Common to all of us though, is that need to see ourselves as immortal, including those we love. When we are not, it is a devastating blow. One that every one of us struggles to come to terms with.

For those of us who have an illness that may well kill us, we have tried to prepare ourselves to some degree. This, of course, is ridiculous. Although we may say that we don’t fear death for ourselves, it simply isn’t true. We have not yet had to confront it. We have not yet faced the grim reality of it. For those for whom death is imminent the struggle to deal with it is harder still. Many choose to shut themselves away for a while. They need to mourn their own death before they can allow those they love in,  those who are, in turn, mourning their imminent loss.

One of my friends, Mark, knew he was dying, but he had already made peace with himself. The consequence was that he then lived more fully in the moment than anyone else I have ever known. He told us that he knew he was going to die so he did not want to waste a single minute. And he didn’t. He lived, joyfully, until the day he died.

When I die I hope I have the courage to go the way Mark did. Living life to the full, filling every moment, making peace with myself, my world and my place in it, until the last breath leaves my body.